Wednesday, April 18, 2012

A years time ... a guilty heart

The 24th is quickly coming and my head hurts with the emotions i feel . How did a year pass so fast? where did that time go? I miss her so much ...most days i just go through the motions reminding myself that i am one day closer to seeing her beautiful face her amazing smile and getting to hold her tight. then it hits me that i am 1 day farther from the last day i held her close kissed her head and saw her eyes so full of life. with that being said i am once again flooded with emotions GUILT being the biggest one... how can i feel so sad and upset when i have such a blessing snuggled in my arms ... a little person who needs me, who counts on me to provide for him ,to love and care for him?  How can i wish she never left when that would mean he would never have been conceived... this is fucked up...

I wish that this got easier. i wish this didnt creep up on me. i wish that i could be holding both my babies. I wish my heart didnt hurt.

one year already... it just isnt fair....

God i trust in you ... but please give me strength ... i am breaking down... :'(

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