So I find myself in this odd spot in my life and being. Its hard to explain but I have times of tremendous grief that over takes me and i cry and wish that things where different. I see updates of children who where born the same time as Olivia and they are doing so well and i cant help but wonder all of the what ifs. Then there are days that i find myself laughing so hard i am crying from utter joy, (as i write this i am crying knowing that i am still smiling and that i can make it through this) .... i am so thankful for the little life who dwells in my belly, so thankful for the AMAZING life that i was blessed with who lives with Jesus now, the SUPPORTIVE LOVING CARING AND WONDERFUL MAN i am married to, whom i would not have made it this far with out him, and the beautiful little girl that brightens up our days with her silly sayings and lovely hugs.
Chris pointed out to me that at my SURPRISE baby shower pictures the
HUGE smile i was wearing most of the day.
if you have lost i hope that you can find that smile too... Olivia's death has taught me a lot to stop and be thankful and happy for what you do have. things CAN be worst ... i know a few people that have witnessed this. Our family is faced with another really hard topic in our life CANCER. So i am hoping that Chris and i can continue to be the strong people we where raised to be and come out of this still with a smile and the knowledge to love like you have never loved before and to laugh .
ok i am rambling now. i must get back to cleaning the house and getting ready for what ever the weekend will bring.
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